One's Definition of Self
by CherryWolf-chan
Summary: You know, most blokes go to Paris, or Milan, or Prague, or Venice, or even bloody Knockturn Alley for their honeymoon! But me? Oh no. I had to go and marry the brains of the Golden Trio! Hermione Granger, who sees nothing wrong with ruining a man's honeymoon by dragging him off to spy on Death Eaters! She's either certifiably insane, or the kinkiest witch I've ever met!


**AN: Been trying to use up my 12 page long list of fanfiction ideas… I've been thinking on this one forever. Enjoy!**

**Pages:** **16  
Words:** **6000**

**Disclaimer:**

I wonder if I were to ask nicely and give her a cookie, would JK Rowling give me Draco?

**~Undisclosed Location~~Death Eater Revel~**

_I can't fucking believe I'm smack in the middle of a room full of Death Eaters with my Muggleborn wife right now. What the fuck is wrong with me?! It's all those fucking Gryffindors I'm around all the time; they've rubbed off on me!_

These were Draco's thoughts as he listened to Voldemort give his customary pre-revel speech. He couldn't for the life of him remember what possessed him to join the Order of the Phoenix in the first place.

He felt a squeeze to his hand.

_Oh yeah; stupid Granger…_

Draco and Hermione had gotten married not a week ago when they got a tip from their informant-Snape-, that there would be a revel today.

_You know, most blokes go to Paris, or Milan, or Prague, or Venice, or even bloody Knockturn Alley for their honeymoon! But me? Oh no. I had to go and marry the brains of the Golden Trio! Hermione Granger, who sees nothing wrong with ruining a man's honeymoon by dragging him off to spy on Death Eaters! She's either certifiably insane, or the kinkiest witch I've ever met!_

He smirked to himself.

So anyway, since they were the Order's best field agents, they were the obvious choice to go scouting out the revel. So there they were, in full Death Eater regalia, trying to ascertain any information they could from the meeting.

And to make matters all the more annoying for Draco, Voldemort had put in an enchantment akin to the Thief's Downfall from Gringotts. When they walked through the door, any enchantments they were under were washed away. As such, Draco and Hermione had to resort to Muggle methods of disguise. So Draco was sporting a semi-permanent black dye-job which he entirely did not appreciate, while Hermione's mane was now a deep burgundy. And the contacts and make-up were not taken to particularly kindly either.

_I can't believe people actually wear these blasted contact things willingly. I feel like I have sand in my eyes!_

Hermione, was obviously less aggravated, but even she was not happy about having to postpone her honeymoon because Voldemort got his knickers in a twist about something at _the_ most inconvenient time.

_Honestly, can't the man ever have a revel when we _don't_ have better things to do? First it was the first time Draco and I shagged, and now this! Bloody Voldemort! I'd like to see him stand around for several hours in itchy robes after a pounding like the one I got!_

Okay, so maybe she was just as aggravated. She just hid it better.

So there they stood, in silence as they listened to the jeering and cackling around them.

They both started as they head Draco's name. A faceless follower from the crowd shouted. "My lord, what of the Malfoy boy? Surely we can't let that disgrace go about freely, marrying Mudbloods as he pleases."

The Dark Lord raised a hand to silence the crowd. "Do not worry my brothers. I have plans to amply punish Draco; first he'll watch as his new _bride_ is handed around our circle for some good old fashioned _fun_. I'll be first to break in the new Mrs. Malfoy of course. I've no doubt she'll be…hmmm…_delicious_."

It was only when Hermione's nails began to dig into his hand that he realised he was severely bruising her arm with his grip.

_I need to get Granger out of being a field agent as soon as possible. She'll never go for reason…hmm. I know! I'll get her pregnant! I'm sure I can use my charm to get her to forget the contraception spell…. And then when I have her barefoot, and pregnant, and _at home_, I will skin every last one of these bastards alive for so much as speaking about my witch in such a disgusting manner. And I'll be starting with my father, followed by Voldemort, and my _beloved_ uncles._

Hermione just about cut off the circulation in Draco's hand as they watched his psycho aunt, Bellatrix Lestrange take the stage next to the Dark Lord.

In her insane baby-voice, she cooed at the crowd. "Speaking of my darling baby nephew, I have some news. It seems we have a new tipoff tonight. Apparently we are currently in the presence of royalty; there are supposed to be Order members here tonight."

Hermione bit her lip as Draco clutched her hand back.

_Shit. Double shit. Fucking shit. _Epic_ fucking shit._

Silently, they moved with the crowd as they slunk to the back of the room. Since they were in danger of being found out, they took the chance to exchange some heated whispers.

Draco slouched down to Hermione's level. "Fuck. We are so fucked. What do we do now Granger? I swear to Merlin I will fucking cast the Avada Kedavra on you _myself_ before I let them lay their disgusting gnarled hands on you."

Hermione covertly elbowed him in the ribs. "Shut up Malfoy! Let me think!"

She watched Voldemort take Bellatrix's place. "If that is the case, then we must welcome our honoured _guests_. Come, everyone form five single file lines. Malfoy, Yaxley, Dolohov, Lestrange, and Lestrange! Choose a line and check each member for their Marks."

Slowly the lines began to form, and Draco and Hermione found themselves at the end of the line leading up to their respective father and father-in-law.

Draco was on the verge of cardiac arrest, when Hermione tugged on his sleeve. "I know what to do. No one, and I do mean _no one_ is going to like it, but if we're getting out of here alive this is our only option."

Draco gave her a subtle nod. "Whatever it is Granger, do it fast. As long as it gets _you_ out of this alive I don't care if I have to kiss a _Weasley_."

Hermione took a deep breath. "Okay. I'm going to do this non-verbally because we _cannot_ be caught. I'll do you first, since I can't be in pain when I do mine. Hold my wrist as tight as you need. Don't worry about bruising it or breaking it. It's more important that you _do not_ make a sound or we are both going to be tortured to death or insanity; whichever comes first."

Draco nodded, still having no idea what she was going to do, but trusting her judgement.

Suddenly he felt a searing pain in his arm, and he truly worried about breaking her wrist from the force he was gripping it with. It took everything in him not to scream out in agony; it felt like she'd taken a white hot poker and stuck it to his forearm.

_What the bloody hell is she doing?!_

When she was done she whispered words of apology, and then clutched his wrist with all her might as she repeated the process on herself.

He got a taste of what his hand would go through when she gave birth as she tried not to writhe in pain.

When they both got the pain under control, he leaned in towards her. "What the fuck did you just do to us?!"

Hermione shushed him. "It's almost our turn; when you get there just don't act surprised and lift your sleeve when he tells you to."

He was about to argue with her but suddenly they were one person from the front of the line and he thought better of it.

When it was finally their turn, Draco and Hermione lifted their Death Eater masks and prayed the disguises were enough.

Lucius paused as he looked at Draco but shook his head, and muttered something to himself before gesturing at them to lift their sleeves.

With trepidation, Draco lifted his sleeve as Hermione did the same.

He nearly swallowed his own tongue as he beheld both his arm, and hers.

_It's official; I married _the_ ballsy-ist witch in the fucking _universe_. She just gave us both the _DarkMark_!_

**~Grimmauld Place~**

They didn't let out their relieved breaths until well after Lucius sent them on their way, and they were halfway up the street to headquarters; number 12 Grimmauld Place.

Draco turned to Hermione. "Granger, how in the bloody _hell_ did you think to give us Dark Marks?!"

Hermione sighed as she pulled up her sleeve and stared at it. "I thought of it years ago. I've always kept it filed in the back of my mind in case of emergency; I never thought I'd have to use this idea."

Draco just shook his head in astonishment. "Our children are all going to be magical geniuses. I hope you realize that."

Hermione groaned. "Well that's all well and good but have you thought about what's going to happen when we get back to headquarters? The wards are going to sense the Dark Marks' magic, and they are going to go bloody berserk!"

Draco had a look of dawning on his face. "And when the rest of the Order sees that we have the Mark, _they_ are going to go bloody berserk. Fuck. What do we do?!"

Hermione sighed. "Let me think."

Draco nodded. "Yes; you do that. That's _your_ job from now on. If the decision had been left up to me on how to save our skins, I do believe I'd be begging the Dark Lord to spare your life in return for my loyalty right now."

Hermione growled. "We're well and truly fucked. There's no way around it without me dismantling every single ward that I created. And if we start taking down wards with no warning they're _really_ not going to listen to us. We'll just have to go in and face Order interrogation."

Draco scowled. "Not again. I can't believe I have to go through Order interrogation _again_."

Hermione sighed as they watched number 12 Grimmauld Place appear before their eyes. "Time to face the music."

Before they went in, Draco stayed her hand. "Granger, I just realized something. Even when this is all over…the Dark Mark is a magical tattoo. It can never be removed. I'll forever be marked a Death Eater, while you'll probably called my Mudblood whore by anyone who doesn't know the story behind our Marks."

Hermione looked up at him. "Draco, a stupid tattoo doesn't define who you are. Look at Snape; he's had it for over twenty years and when all this is over the world will know he did it in the name of what was good. It doesn't matter what a select few think of you; what matters is what you think of yourself. What matters is _your_ definition of your own self. Not what a stupid mark on your arm says. Besides, you look bloody sexy with the Mark."

Draco smirked at her. "Do I? Well you're pretty hot yourself Granger. The Mark gives you this bad girl allure."

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Malfoy, just think of it in the sense of mind over matter. We shouldn't mind, and they shouldn't matter."

Draco quirked a brow. "Granger that was quite possibly the most _girly_ thing you've _ever_ said."

**(AN: I never put inline ANs anymore because I find them annoying, but I had to here. I'll bet anyone a Firewhiskey that Wolf Blossom just died of laughter and fell out of her chair. ;P)**

With a bat to his arm, they both turned and walked through the door.

The second they stepped foot through the door, thirteen people apparated in, wands and glares trained on them.

Everyone looked shocked to see Draco and Hermione, but regardless, they kept their wands on them.

The couple raised their hands, as Hermione spoke. "Don't freak out. It's us; Draco and Hermione Malfoy. Voldemort got a tipoff about Order members at the revel and they were checking Dark Marks. I cast Morsmorde on both of us to get us out alive. Now I know we have to go do the interrogation because obviously you don't believe us, but I just thought I'd throw that out there. Lead the way."

She got a few sceptical looks from some of them when she started reciting the rules, but they silently led the way, keeping them surrounded none-the-less.

Draco smirked at her. "I do believe they recognize the know-it-all tone of voice Granger."

Hermione glared at him as they were led down the hall by seven Weasleys, a Potter, two Lupins, a Longbottom, a Zabini and a Flint.

**~Interrogation Room~**

They were met in the interrogation room by Theo Nott and Luna Lovegood.

Theo looked at them in disbelief. "Draco? Granger?"

Harry shook his head. "We're not sure. They set off the Dark Magic wards and who is apparently Hermione said that she had to give them both the Dark Mark to get through an inspection alive."

Theo groaned. "Well shit. How are we supposed to see if it's them or not? Just play twenty questions until one of them trips up?"

Tonks sighed. "That is essentially what will have to happen. Harry and Ron will question Hermione. You, Blaise, and Marcus will question Draco. Both will be under Veritiserum. And the rest of us will run diagnostics tests in the background to ascertain they aren't somehow lying anyway or that they are in fact under a charm, or using a variation of Polyjuice."

Draco scowled. "Fantastic. Spend what should be my fucking honeymoon in a room full of filthy blood-supremacy preaching bastards, and now I can't even have a shower. Can you people at least remove this ridiculous hair colour and everything else?"

Theo nodded as he did what Draco asked. "Well I'll tell you one thing; that is definitely the Malfoy attitude."

Ron rubbed his eyes. "Yeah, well for all we know he could be Lucius in disguise. All right, you all get to work, and we'll start asking questions. How long should this all take?"

Tonks waved him off. "These spells are ridiculously complicated. It'll be a good long while."

Theo huffed. "It took all of five minutes when we were interrogating Pansy's father!"

Remus sighed as they got to work. "Yes well the reasons that took all of five minutes are currently sitting in front of you in Death Eater robes, waiting to be interrogated."

Harry rubbed his temples. "Alright, everyone sit. Let's do this."

They all sat at the table and stared at each other, one side of the table thinking of questions to ask, as the other side cursed Voldemort's lousy timing again.

Hermione scowled to herself. _I could be in the Bahamas right now getting sex on the beach whilst _sipping_ a Sex on the Beach!_

Finally the Veritiserum was administered, and the questions began.

Harry got the ball rolling. "State your names, ages and loyalties."

"Hermione Jean Malfoy, twenty, and my loyalties are with the Order of the Phoenix, Harry James Potter, and Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore."

"Draconis Lucius Malfoy, nineteen-totally turned on by having my cradle robbed by Granger here, and my loyalties lie with Hermione Jean Malfoy."

Marcus shook his head. "That sounds like Malfoy; he always did like older women. Not to mention he'd follow Granger to the ends of the Earth even if she suddenly switched sides."

Blaise thought for a second before addressing Draco. "I once nearly drowned when I was at your house. What was the situation, and why didn't we tell our parents."

Draco smirked. "It was Yule, we were eight, and we were trying to ice fish in the pond in my back garden. Dobby dove in and saved you. We didn't tell anyone because we thought you wouldn't be allowed over anymore if your mother found out."

"Correct."

Ron turned to Hermione. "What kitchen instrument did you always say Harry and I had the emotional range of?"

Marcus cut her off. "A teaspoon Weasley; even I know that. Ask her something only Granger would know."

Harry tried this time. "When did I find out about your strange attraction to Malfoy?"

Hermione turned red as Draco looked at her in interest. "The Burrow, during the summer before fifth year."

Draco smirked at her. "Oh, really?"

Harry shook his head. "Come on; I need the whole truth."

Hermione twiddled her thumbs as she looked at the table. "You came running into my room in the dead of night thinking I was being attacked because you heard loud noises and you-uhm…you saw that I was uh…writhing and uhm moaning on my…bed."

Draco coked a brow as Harry prodded her. "What were you moaning Hermione?"

"…'harder Malfoy…'…?"

Draco howled with laughter as Harry affirmed her answer.

Marcus raised a brow. "You think that's funny, do you Malfoy? I wonder how funny you'll think this is; when did I first find out _you_ had any attraction to Granger?"

Draco paled and cleared his throat. "I was late for Quidditch practice in third year and you came to the dorms to get me. You uhm…walked in on me…eh…polishing my broom? And before you ask, I was moaning Granger."

"And this was before or after the punch?"

"…after."

Hermione smirked right back at him as Harry and Ron chuckled.

Ron looked at Hermione. "When was the first time you and I slept together?"

Draco's eyes practically fell out of his head at the question as Hermione glared at Ron. "Ronald Weasley, don't you dare start harassing my husband! The first time we slept together was when the lot of us all fell asleep in front of the fireplace at The Burrow the Yule of fifth year. I had my head pillowed on your stomach and you were snoring like a three-headed dog the entire night."

Draco let out a breath as he glowered at the grinning Ron.

Theo picked up the line of questioning. "When did you lose your virginity?"

Draco coughed. "Night of the Yule Ball in fourth year. It was with Pansy and it was the most deplorable experience of my life. I didn't have sex for the next year and a half because I was convinced all women yowled like that when they came."

Hermione snorted as she was asked her next question. "What was the most ridiculous birthday you ever had, and why?"

Giggling, she replied. "The year I turned fourteen. All seven Weasley children, separately-bar the twins-, Molly and Arthur, Harry, Neville, and my _parents_ all got me the newest edition of Hogwarts a History."

Draco started laughing, soon following by his friends. Eventually they calmed down enough to ask him his next question.

This time it was Blaise who smirked. "Granger, did you happen to get another book that year? An anonymous birthday present?"

She gave him a confused smile. "Why yes I did; "Wizarding Etiquettes for the Muggleborn Witch." It was a tremendous help in letting me fit in. I'd always wanted to thank whoever got it for me but I never found out."

Blaise raised a brow at Draco. "Care to shed some light on her confusion?"

Glaring at his traitor of a friend. "I sent it to you for your birthday and you owe me a favour you bastard; you promised not to tell anyone."

Hermione blinked. "You did? But why?"

Marcus grinned. "Because he's wanted you ever since you broke his nose. He couldn't do anything directly so he settled for presents."

Hermione's jaw dropped. "So all those anonymous gifts I got every year…"

Draco shrugged. "They were from me."

Hermione realized something. "But they didn't stop after we got together. And you've been getting my presents all this time too."

Draco shrugged. "You so rarely let me give you gifts that I never stopped the anonymous ones. Besides; your eyes light up and you get all excited. Not to mention the sex I get after my anonymous presents is fantastic!"

Hermione laughed. "And all this time I was worried you'd start getting jealous and thinking I had a secret boyfriend."

Harry took this time to look back at the others. "Are you though with those diagnostics? Because I really bloody believe this is Hermione and Malfoy."

Tonks waved him off. "Keep going; we're not done yet. And if we skip all these procedures just because you five are certain then it doesn't matter whether you're right or not. Moody will come back from the grave to haunt our dreams. We'll all be waking up screaming 'constant vigilance' until we go through with everything. So we might as well do it now."

They group shrugged at each other as Harry asked the next question.

Harry smirked, reclining in his chair. "Who was the first Slytherin you fancied? And don't even think of evading the question; I have a Pensieve memory of a _very_ drunken game of truth or dare that we played at the Burrow one summer."

Draco raised a brow in interest and turned to a rapidly blushing Hermione.

"Malfoy…?"

If possible, Harry's smirk got even bigger. "Nice try Hermione. _Which_ Malfoy?"

Draco's brows raised at that.

Hermione hid her head in her arms as she mumbled.

"What was that?"

"LUCIUS ABRAXUS MALFOY! Are you happy now?!"

Harry grinned. "Quite."

Draco looked as if he'd swallowed a toad. "Your first Slytherin crush…was on…my _father_?! What the hell Granger! I mean I might be able to forgive it if it had been one of the boys here…hell even one of the girls! But my _father_?! That's _disgusting_!"

Ron snickered at his grumbling best friend. "It started after we met you two in Flourish and Blotts before third year started. You father left quite the…_impression_…on Hermione."

Draco looked aghast. "Impression of _what_?! If I recall, he subtly insulted her parents, demeaned Potter, and then proceeded to stick a bloody cursed diary in Weaselette's cauldron!"

Hermione glared at them all. "You think my crushing on him is bad? I'm not the only one who's first Slytherin fancy was Lucius Malfoy, isn't that right _Ginny_?"

Harry and Ron gaped a sheepish Ginny.

The turned to Marcus and Blaise. "I get it now! This is why we haven't been able to get ourselves any Gryffindor women! They like their men twisted as fucking Devil's Snare… I vote we sign back on with the Dark Lord; clearly they have a thing for that!"

Marcus nodded. "Good point! But how does that explain Malfoy's Gryffindor?"

Blaise shrugged. "I think the fact that he antagonized her for six years outweighs the fact that he turned to the light side."

Soon they settled back in for questioning, but not before Draco expressed his disgust once more. "Seriously Granger; how am I supposed to have sex with you now?! I'll keep wondering if you're only with me because I'm the closest thing to my father that's not going to kill you in your sleep!"

He promptly got smacked over the head.

Marcus spoke up. "Malfoy, what illicit activity did you and I engage in whenever our mothers got together and left us to our own devices."

Draco rolled his eyes, still eyeing Hermione as he spoke. "We went through the PlayWizard Magazines you filched from your father, in unadulterated _awe_."

Hermione scoffed at him. "Nothing's changed I see. No, don't give me that look; I know about the stack of magazines under the floorboards in our closet."

Draco clamped his jaw shut at that.

Ron grumbled a bit, then sighed. "I'm so getting slapped for this one. Hermione, when did you first get your…ahem…women's…thing? And why is it that I remember it so well?"

Hermione glared at him. "You were wrong; you're not going to get slapped, you're going to get hexed."

Ron shrugged. "I figured as much. Well?"

Grumbling, Hermione answered. "You saw blood on my skirt and since you're the last of six boys with one little sister, you had no idea what it was. You proceeded to follow me around all day hounding me about what was wrong and what _Malfoy_ had done to me. I finally had to write to your mother about the situation and she sent you back a letter and a book. You couldn't look at me again until the week was well over."

Blaise made a face. "That sounds something like the story as to how I know when Pansy got her first…thing…and subsequently, how I learned that women get these…things."

Hermione threw her hands up and glared at Ron and Blaise. "Oh honestly! You're both idiots; 'uh…uhm…uh…the…woman…thing?' Really; what are you? Twelve?"

Ginny called over her shoulder. "Don't even bother with that one. Ron didn't speak to me for the entire summer when he found out I'd gotten my rag during the year. He was angry at me for being a girl. Then he redirected his anger towards dad because it's his chromosome donation to me that determined my gender."

Draco shook his head. "I can't say I don't semi-sympathise with Weasel. Granted, at least he got a fucking book on the subject. I got a very graphic, slightly traumatizing, and incredibly scarring explanation from the family house elves. They got half the day off work to deal out that disturbing spectacle. I couldn't look at my father or mother for months after. You know why? Bloody Dobby and Tinkle thought it would be easier to put into perspective if they used my parents' names in place of "man" and "woman." That, coupled with my first time with Pansy, very near killed my libido for good."

Hermione looked at him in wonderment as the other men winced. "House elves…. That…explains a lot."

She got strange looks from everyone for that comment.

Blaise gestured to Harry and Ron. "Well that took care of my next question; your turn again."

Harry shrugged. "Alright Mione; who was your first Order crush?"

She glared at him. "What the bloody hell is it with you and grouping them together?! Slytherin crush, Order crush…what next? Professor crush?!"

Harry smirked. "Not a bad idea. Let's add professor crush to that question."

Draco had to hold her by the arm to keep her from leaping across the table onto Harry. "Weasley. And before you decide to be a bastard about it, it was _Charlie_ Weasley. And professor was Severus Snape."

Charlie's head popped up. "Really now Hermione?"

She grumbled at him. "You're a bastard and it was the dragons. So leave me alone."

Charlie smirked. "And to think, mum said I'd never attract a nice girl with such an appalling occupation. As it is, it seems it's my occupation that does ninety-five percent of the attracting. Although I think you may have taken this dragon thing a bit too far Hermione."

He gestured to a shock white Draco who was still speechless.

Hermione poked him. "Uhm, Malfoy?"

He exploded. "_**Snape?!**_ _** What the **_**actual**_** fuck Granger?!**_"

Hermione just groaned as Theo and Blaise popped in. "It's official. We're going to go join the Death Eaters. Clearly that's the way to get Gryffindor women! Later all!"

And with that they left the room.

Tonks and Lupin came over to them. Tonks spoke. "So, we're done. You both clear out on all the diagnostics. But I did want to say something. Did you not realize that the Veritiserum wore off an hour ago?"

Hermione just banged her head on the table, and Draco still looked like he was going to kill someone.

Everyone filed out and soon it was just Draco, Hermione, Harry, and Ron.

Ron spoke. "Hermione, do you realize how hard things are going to be for you two now that you're branded? Never mind the fact you're going to have to rework every ward in every single Order safe house we have to allow two people with the Dark Mark in but keep all others out. Have you thought of after the war? No one will ever look at you the same again."

Harry nodded. "Especially since Rita Skeeter is somehow keeping her arse alive and hidden and _still_ slandering the piss out of all of us. If she makes it through this war then she's going to wreak havoc on you two for this."

Draco took a temporary leave from his anger to address the question. "I already brought up that point while we were on the porch. I told her we'd forever be known as a Death Eater and his Mudblood whore."

Hermione interjected there. "And I pointed out that it doesn't matter what other's think of us or how they define us. What matters is how we think of and define ourselves."

Harry nodded. "Well that's all fine and dandy Mione, but what about the light side extremists? They do exist, and they will definitely try to attack you; you'll have to hide those marks in public for the rest of your lives."

Hermione turned up her nose in a very Malfoyesque way. "Harry James Potter, if you seriously expect us to hide these Marks forever you are touched in the head. Draco and I will wear our Dark Marks as badges of honour; they are no different than the "Mudblood" Bellatrix carved into my arm. And you were the one who told me that was a battle scar; nothing more. These are the same; they are a medal of honour and light. They show what we fought for and the lengths to which we were willing to go for that fight. Permanent disfigurement is a small price to pay for peace in the Wizarding World, don't you think Harry?"

She gestured at his head.

Harry scoffed. "A dinky little lightning bolt I can hide with my hair is not the same as a magical tattoo that would make the Yakuza shudder. The world will ostracize you both!"

Hermione glared at him. "Well if we're all _so_ sure the world will hate us over a stupid tattoo, why should we fight for them? If the scars we've garnered from fighting for these people's lives and families are disgusting to them, maybe we should just declare ourselves Switzerland and sit on the sidelines."

Draco interrupted Harry as he went to open his mouth. "Yes, that is a good point. If they'll look at us with hatred why should we fight for them?"

Hermione took in the panicked look in Harry's eyes. "Yes. That's what I thought. They're a horrible disfigurement that no one wants to see until we decide not to fight for them anymore. Then they're just fine. Well we do _not_ need your approval Harry James Potter, and we shall do as we please. Draco, I think I need more tank tops, and you need more t-shirts. We need to get the people who are _supposed_ to be our friends comfortable around us and our oh-so-scary tattoos. Come on!"

Draco grabbed her hand as they made to leave. "You don't have anything to say about this Weasel?"

Ron shrugged. "I gave up on arguing with Hermione in second year. I don't win, and she's always right. That's what I've garnered over the course of our friendship. But I will say this Malfoy, if you don't hex the living daylights out of any git that attacks her, they I'm going to kick your arse."

Draco nodded. "Noted."

And with that, they stormed off together.

Ron sighed at Harry. "She's right you know. It's just the same as a badge of honour. Where would Bill be if he had listened to the Healers and his ex-girlfriend, and hidden himself away from society because of the claw scars Fenrir Greyback left on his face? Not married to Fleur with a daughter of his own, that's for sure. Think about that."

And Ron left.

**~Draco and Hermione Malfoy's Bedroom~**

Draco sat heavily on the bed and sighed. "You know Granger, they are right about the fact that no one will look at us the same again."

Hermione looked down her nose at him, reminiscent of…well, himself! "Please. We are Malfoys, and thus are better than everyone. As if it should matter to us what those lesser than us say. And, if all else fails, I know some great hexes!"

Draco smirked. "Forgive my foolishness Granger. I forgot myself for a second there."

Hermione yawned and sat at the head of the bed. Draco turned to lay his head in her lap.

"You know what I've come to the conclusion of Granger?"

"What's that Malfoy?"

Draco smirked up at her. "I married the most _twisted_ bitch in the fucking universe."

Hermione raised an eyebrow. "How do you figure that?"

Draco started ticking things off on his fingers. "You married _me_ for one thing. You agreed to postpone our honeymoon to go to a Death Eater revel. You gave us both the Dark Mark to save our skins. You walked into Order headquarters with your head held high when there was a very good chance they would kill us first and ask questions later. You had a fucking crush on my bat-shit crazy _father_, and our bloody Potion's Master-who hated your guts by the way. I do believe you've come out on top of dear Auntie Bellatrix in the psychotically twisted as all fuck category."

Hermione cleared her throat. "Well about that. You know reasons two, three, and four why I'm a twisted bitch?"

Draco nodded.

Hermione shifted. "I have something to add to them. I postponed our honeymoon for a revel, gave us the Dark Mark, and walked into headquarters not knowing if I'd make it out alive…all while…pregnant."

Draco lost the little colour he had. "You…Voldemort…baby…twisted…_psycho_…revel…pregnant…crazy…dark….daddy…"

And with that his eyes rolled into the back of his head and he lost consciousness.

**~Kitchen~~Lunch the Next Day~**

Draco stormed in with a dark expression, Hermione following after him.

Ron was the first to notice them. "Oye, Malfoy. What's got your bollocks in a knot?"

Draco scowled at him. "Your friend here is absolutely out of her mind!"

Ron snorted. "I think I figured that one out in first year when your wife told Harry and I that she was "going to bed before either one of you comes up with another brilliant idea to get us all killed. Or worse; expelled." I said it then, and I say it now. She _needs_ to sort out her priorities!"

Hermione sighed. "Draco is just being dramatic because I told him yesterday that I'm pregnant."

Ginny nodded slowly. "And you've known this how long?"

Hermione cleared her throat. "A month?"

Theo and Blaise' jaws dropped. "And you still went to the…and you still cast the…and you…oh my Merlin!"

Theo slumped over. "I think I'm going to be sick."

Blaise twitched. "Well at least she fits in with the rest of the family. All the Malfoy's are out of their minds. Malfoy junior over here betrayed the Dark Lord. And let's not even get started on Bellatrix."

Ron nodded. "I just have one thing to correct that statement. Malfoy isn't Malfoy junior anymore. The new Malfoy junior is currently occupying Hermione's stomach."

Hermione huffed. "Honestly Ronald! Did you not read that book Molly sent you? The baby is not in my stomach, it's in my uterus, another word for which is womb. I ought to make you read that book and then test you on it! Seriously, you're going to be in the process of becoming a father and just finding out that the baby doesn't come out the bellybutton!"

Ron blinked at her. "Where does it come out of then?"

Hermione practically screeched at him. "THE VAGINA!"

Ron's jaw dropped, as well as his gaze. He stared at her lap and stuttered. "But…it…that…"

Then he started making tiny circles with his hand to simulate a vagina, and he looked at Hermione through it.

After he got over that shock, though he still looked confused, he asked what the bellybutton was for then.

At that point Hermione started lecturing him right there in the middle of the kitchen, during lunch.

Draco stared at Ron in abject disbelief as he turned to Theo. "Perhaps I was better off with the house elves than I thought."

**AN: I do hope you enjoyed! And as per usual, reviews are always appreciated!**


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